Challenger League Double Header Feb 2nd & 3rd.
With “The Flat Banger”

Well what a big week it’s been in bowls this week Eddie with a double header played.
Deloraine beat the top doggies then stumble in spud country. North Bounces back with a victory over the Meadows, East are up and down like a yo yo, Cressy cop a couple of big losses, Trevallyn on the serious improve and Longford continue on their winning way to tighten things at the top.

SATURDAYS RESULTS BELOW.

KINGS MEADOWS TRUE BLUES  88 d SCOTTSDALE SPUDDIES 53                                              Meadows in red hot form on Saturday to comfortably account for the Scottsdale boys.

Matt Tossing Little Fella McKay 37 d Tiny Tex Cassidy  12
This rink on fire at the minute with the little Apple Pip up and about leading. Zoooooosssshhhhhhnnnnnneeer fresh from his NTBA 4’s win is solid as a rock at 2 & continues his stellar season to date, Coach Oliver the calming influence at 3 playing the big shots as need be and Freddy the converting king when given half a sniff. Loves a sniff does Freddericko.

Lovely Lawn Bowler Zoon 17 lt Jake The Peg Inhen 25
Jake in red hot form here leading from the front for his team to get over the Hard to beat Zoony. He was ably backed up by the leading machine Alfy and the quiet one Victor Goss

Vidor Pink Bowls Murray 34 d Torn Cartlidge 16
Senior Apples pretty impressive here for the Meadows with Kiwi and Vide also playing many telling bowls. Weight of numbers the key here with the Doctor entertaining as always with his banter. Good work Doc.

TREVALLYN THUNDER 78 d EAST LAUNCESTON EAGLES 64
Great win this for the Trev boys as they clearly came to play.

Driving Machine Patterson 26 d Banger Berwick 20
Team effort this one. Noof “onsie” “silky smooth delivery N’Rud superb on the lead and showing one and all that this bloke will be a champion if he continues improving at his current rate. Dan “the man” Connors super in the 2’s spot as most ends he had bowls in usable positions with the majority in the count. Buck played the big shots every time they needed them and Patto showed that even trick shots are not beyond his thorough ability with 1 drive clocked at 23 miles per hour once it landed for the 3rd time. After the green was repaired and all holes filled. Patto continued on his merry way drawing some beauties when required. Think the pre-game practice he had at East with all his Trevallyn mates clearly helped his performance today…..nice one Lukey.

“J” 28 towelled Scotty “think he was still on his honeymoon” Summers 16
The “J” that’s all he is to be known as now because a bloke that can towel up Tassie’s Form player is simply too good to have a nick name. “J” the difference in this one as he played brilliantly from end 1 to end 25 and with his team of Pinga Shaw, Pappa Wheelie, and Top Gun Mulligan having bowls in the head every end, “J” proceeded to play all the shots in the book. Man he has gripped this skips job with both hands so good on ya Bud keep up the good work.

William 28 d Aussie Mike 24
Game of 2 halves this one with the East Boys leading 21-4 only to see Team Aus fight back. Cobs Barrett the super star here with an excellent exhibition of bowls showing that this great man still has the ability that everyone including your truly has seen for countless years. William outstanding early and Grizzly the Swamp Man Steady in the leads spot very steady especially early. Sammy too providing that underneath the Nipple pink bowls is actually a bloke that plays very well. Nice work Samuel !!

DELORAINE MAGPIES 83 d NORTH LAUNCESTON 72
For Goodness sake Mr.Examiner what does this side have to do to get a headline. They beat the almost unbeatable side and still get virtually no write up and certainly no headlines. NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!
WELL DONE DELORAINE AND CONGRATS ….well at least that’s something I guess. More read this than the Examiner write up anyway….well that’s what my fan mail suggests…..what….just saying it like it is.

Wobble Shot Bowman 31 d According to Whitmore, Close to Retirement Minns 24
The Wob against the Toe…gee worth price of admission alone & who wouldn’t want to go as they do have the best bickies and cheese in the entire Tasmania. Wobbleshot played too many times to mention this week as JB old boy on fire from the get go. Junior Wobs outstanding at 3 in a great rink win for Del City.

Lubricated Pigeon 26 d Penguin Drinks for one and all Barrett 22
The Pidg is scared of no-one and with Dannel the giant killer no exception here. Frosty the snowman again had his icycles flapping and proceeded to show how the game should be played. Brothers Donohue their usual steady selves and Grades the up and coming champion showed the way once more in back to best best on the green results.

Matty 26 drew (somebody stop me I am all over it) Brodes 26
1st class exhibition of bowling from 2 of the best young guns in the North right here. No one gave an inch and no one took one. All 8 players contributing in a high standard contest.
LATE MAIL LATE MAIL: Whitmore clearly a better lead than 3…..according to Minnsy he doesn’t have to think as much leading……gee that will teach ya to call Toey old I guess Whit…..bit of North banter, great for the game.

LONGFORD TIGERS 95 d CRESSY 52
Good all round day here for the Tigers.

Pharlap 44 d Kev Bloody Wilson 10
Awesome day here for these guys hardly doing a thing wrong all day starting from super sib Jacko finding his form while the Hakka Hakka Man is holidaying in his native NZ. Jacko was frothing from the mouth and when he starts this you know this man is firing on all cylinders. The Prez who is arguably Longfords most improved player in awesome touch again and with Stand Up Brucey setting the green alight showing his ability & experience from end 1 it was always going to be a tough day for the Cressy guys. Pharlaps touch continued yet again playing everything he needed to at will. Freak, full stop end paragraph.

Junior Cock 29 d Son of Bloody 21
Rink Cock up by 8 in another superb performance, The inform Chris again leading the way here and with the 3 B’s combining well for another week with Bucky the pick of them this week.

Zappasnozziebringonsamnextweek 22 d Holy Howlett 21
Close all day this one with the experience of Zappa paying off when needed. Keeping hydrated was the order of the day for Matty who successfully got through this game without collapsing and requiring a hospital trip. Personally I think he over-dosed on chocolate bars but hey what would I know.
Well that’s Saturdays results done & dusted, stay tuned for Sundays at a time to be advised as you all know how busy at work I am.
BUT
There is only 1 and I am it. “THE FLAT BANGER”.
Maybe if Benny or Bowls North are reading this they should perhaps give me  $100 an article as that is chicken feed and clearly writers of articles for papers are paid far more than that and their crap is even worse than mine………..JUST SAYING, LUV YA TONE!! SAMUEL!! SCOTLAND!!
                                                                                            

               
Bring on Sunday I hear ya say well here tis!!
SUNDAYS RESULTS BELOW.

EAST LAUNCESTON EAGLES 95 d CRESSY 56
BEEFY BANNON 28 d KEV BLOODY WILSON 18
This one the Birdman and Chef show with both David and Don carrying the other 2 wombats through for a win. The Birdman on debut in the lead spot showed that it takes a special sort of player to pick this position up first go but being the intellect that this man is he found it relatively easy pickings, bit like his football team. Donny the Chef Cambell proved what an expensive bugger he is to play with as you seem to go through far more chalk when he is around…..sucked in Beefy. Just loves drawing touchers and what skip complains about that, certainly not our big hunk of beef down the other end that’s for sure. His 3 (1 loss to Patto and was given the arse, what a travesty of justice it was ) Banger played all shots in the book but hardly any of them were much good including the cover bowl that crashed through the head with 3 metres of weight when we holding the lazy 5…. BANG that’s how you reduce, no need to thank me Chris I know it was awesome…..and after the fearful spray I received in the cross-over I have decided to play my own shots from now on….STUFF HIM. Beefy well let’s just say after the Saturday wedding he attended his Sunday water drinking ability proved outstanding. Did he contribute anywhere else? NOPE gave us nothing.

WELCOME BACK SUMMERS 34 d I HATE SUNDAY BOWLS WILSON 14
Well after the rubbish this mob through Saturday we all hoped they had a few in reserve and this one was the Craig Flemo Felmingham show. Anyone would have thought this man was trying out for the Australian Team as he proceeded to put a clinic on. Best pre afternoon tea exhibition his skip has seen in a long time according to Scotty…..I personally still don’t rate ya that high Flemo. Felmo, Al, and Jas managed to set this win up early but then proceeded to stuff there face so full of afternoon tea that they couldn’t move for 5 ends on the re-commencement so Summers finally decided to leave the comfort of his arm chair to contribute some what.

I WILL EAT ALL THE AFTERNOON TEA ON MY OWN SPRINGER 33 d HOWLY 24
Wilbur purely and simply loves going to Cressy. Only brings the bowls as an after thought as it’s all about them bre-fritter rolls, cream cakes & assortment of yumo pies to Will. The 2nd half of this rink game was actually delayed due to this as Will was no-where to be seen. It was only after we hired search & rescue (like we really cared if they found him) he was located vacuuming up all the afternoon tea spills from under the table with his tongue. Now that’s a man who loves food. In between he called the head well on the odd occassion and directed accordingly as his team of Bester Morrison, Cobbs Barrett (another bre-fritta woll wuver) and Brtoher Sam proceeded to get the job done.

TREVALLYN THUNDER 76 LT LONGFORD TIGERS 83
Typical Longford, never beaten, well down early only to storm home for yet another win but the Trev boys well and truly on the up with 2 rink wins here.

“J” 17 lt ZAPPA 32
This rink winning the game for the Toges. Consistency the key for Zap and crew playing well all day. Roachy starting this one off, then Johnny Spence, the Trevallyn native who still couldn’t get there on time even though on a windy day you could lob a gorbie over his back fence from the bowls green….outstanding Spence, warning if your late next Saturday we WILL start without ya. Matty chewed through 18 ½ chocolate bars but was weak as p##@ and couldn’t quite get the last one down in between throwing his bowls all over the place and the Zap machine clinical in every facet of the game yet again. Do not be fooled by appearance this is one very intelligent lawn bowler right here who CAN SURE PLAY !!

3 BOUNCE DRIVING MACHINE PATTERSON 28 d PHARLAP 24
Blow me down with a feather Black Caviar has dropped a game but can’t say I am surprised as he has now beaten the 2 best players in the North in the 1 weekend.
RAISE YOUR GLASSES ONE AND ALL LUKEY PATTERSON!!
Many wouldn’t have seen this one coming but it didn’t surprise me at all as I have run far worse players into form than Patto. NRud in between phone porn sales exceptional again, and Grippo 2ing same way as Saturday. Sweetie (17 versions Sunday) and the Great Man Luke Patterson mopped up whatever needed fixing early. Stal and crew stormed home but Team Pat held firm for a great win.

AUSSIE MIKE 31 d JUNIOR COCK 27
Game of 2 halves this one with Aus and boys leading 23-6 and the Longford lads fighting back well with several multiple scores to tighten things. Sachin Sims again the star here, Seaton not Standin doing near everything needed of a 2 especially early on to open up the big gap. Later on it was Meat Tray Hudson after 14 half eaten raw burgers with onion at afternoon tea that took over the steadying of the ship to assure the win. Aussie Mike ruthless with his conversions especially early on and drawing them when they countered most.
A game of crib was then enjoyed by both sides which proved far easier for one and all. (The smart ones will get it, Summers give me a ring and I will explain it to you).

NORTH LAUNCESTON SAINTERS 68 d KINGS MEADOWS TRUE BLUES 58

MY SHOUT BARRETT 26 d LOVELY LAWN BOWL ZOON 11
The North boys pretty good here with Dan the man & Howie awesome in their shot converting ability. Bouch again proved superb on the lead and  Airflow Avent (yep took me a while for this man but I have one now) also solid in the 2 spot. Good rink and very hard to beat who were never going to lose 2 in a row.

YOUNGSTER TOEY BINNS 25 d PINK BOWLS VIDE 17
The North boys were just too good here in the later part of the game with consistency the key to their success.
The great story of this rink over the weekend was the OUTSTANDING performance of Wayne “yep Jarrod gets it all from me apart from the fact that I grew for an extra 10 years” Howard. Wayno with his bowls tally of games now locked in at 4, filled in admirably in Challenger, not bad for a bloke that hasn’t played for years. Minnsy described him as his best by a long way and along with Tiny Tut who has been solid all year provided the foundation for this win. Toey’s conversion shots another feature of this result.

COUSIN OF MILES 17 lt FLYINIG LITTLE PIG 30
How good is the form of this rink again defeating class opposition. Little Apple Pip once again superb, Muscles Burnie filling in at 2 slotted in perfectly, Mick has his plonk shots running hotter than a Macdonalds soft serve cone and Freddy near in career best form these boys are provng the “gun rink” for the Meadows at the minute.

SCOTTSDALE 80 d DELORAINE 58
No report received for this one but the Spuddies bounced back to form with a solid win over the Del boys.
Jake going 2 from 2 for the weekend with another 8 shot win over Johnny “where the report” Bowman.
Tex chewing the wing clear off the Pigeon with a 15 shot win. Clearly not a Sunday player the Pidg.
Matty scored 2 for Deloraine with a 1 shot win over Chris in the final rink result.

Well bowls fans that’s it for this week and remember
THERE IS ONLY 1 AND I AM IT !!
$150 p/article is my last offer Tony !!