I played for the North Melbourne FC. The greatest club in the world. I am married to my childhood sweetheart Lisa and we have four kids: Madison, Abbey, Jackson and Remy, who all love their sport. We ...

11:04AM, Thu 16 October 2008

Ugly Parents.

Glenn Archer

Ugly parents at sporting events have been a problem forever and a day. When playing as a junior, I remember parents screaming out to their kid from the side lines, "If you don't get a kick, little Johnny, you won't be riding your bike for a week."

At the time I didn't think much about it but looking back on it now I can't help thinking what has happened in these kids life since? Did they pursue the game or did the constant pressure turn them away?

Obviously, I went on to play at the highest level for a long time and although I had enough talent and determination to do that, I also had very supportive parents who would never berate me or give me a thousand pieces of advice about what I should be doing on the ground.

They were happy that I was happy playing a game I enjoyed. So why do parents get so involved and frustrated with their kids performance? In my opinion these are a few reasons why;

1. They were sports people who didn't fulfill their dreams and are now playing their dreams out through their kids.

2. They see their kids as an extension of them and don't want to be embarrassed by their kids' performance.

3. They are attention seekers who want people to hear them.

4. They are over-protective parents who yell at opposition players and umpires as they think their kid can do no wrong.

It is really sad that some parents can be so self-centred and disrepectful, especially to the people they are supposed to love the most. These people know that they are doing this, and know it's wrong, but unfortunately are not honest and strong enough to admit it.

So to all the ugly parents out there (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) stop thinking about yourself and pay your kids and the people around you some RESPECT.

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David

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11:41AM, Thu 16 October 2008

Glenn, some really good points.

The only one I would add is that sport is very emotional and we often get caught up in it, whether it be supporting the Kangaroos in the AFL or the local young U12's! Some of us, some of the time fail to see the difference and therefore our behavior is the same at junior and at the elite. The same "ugly parents" are probably "ugly supporters". You know the ones I mean!

Unfortunately, on the weekend, I was an ugly and emotional coach during an U18 game and was a very poor role model. I had apologize to the opposition coach, my players and their parents after the game. Safe to say I did some sole searching since!

Anyway good article.
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Ned

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11:51AM, Thu 16 October 2008

Glenn,
With so much negative publicity surrounding NRL and AFL players, it is refreshing to see that there are some decent people at the top. Probably lots of decent people, but we never hear the good news stories.
Good on you for your comments Glenn.
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Ali

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12:04PM, Thu 16 October 2008

Most elite athletes (you included) would probably have parents like yours that sit on the sidelines quietly admiring their offspring and their achievements. I believe the reason behind them being so quiet is because their child is far and above the best player in the team, they are the leader and so, they don't need yelling at, or comments offered.

It is the parents of the kids that are below this elite level that have abusive parents. They want their kid to be the best too and so ythey ell at them and the coaches and officials thinking they are being supportive etc etc etc.

Anyway, did you ever see Andrew Gaze's mum in the crowd when he was playing...she was a classic...made me laugh.

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Kazz

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05:15PM, Thu 16 October 2008

Glenn, I am one of those parents that has been involved in my children's sports. My son not only has his mum or his dad watching his game but also at his training sessions. This gives us the opportunity to be involved with his team mates. Did I mention our son is 18 and he is proud to have us involved with his sport. Inturn, I am proud to say our son has achieved much and is a very fair player and I hope this has something to do with parent's involvement. There is nothing worse than sitting in the stands with an "ugly parent"
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Carl Dalton

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05:36PM, Thu 16 October 2008

Hi Glenn,

A great article that sadly is only too common at all levels, and I am very glad that you have included this article on this site as it is a major problem in all sports and in some areas is getting out of hand.

I am a Regional Coaching Director/State U21Coach for the sport of hockey and know only too well about Ugly Parent Syndrome as I have to deal with this on a regular basis. It does not matter whether it is during our Minkey and Modified age group games which is for 6 - 9 year olds or our senior level matches which involve athletes from 14/15 years of age onwards.

I feel you are right in saying that a lot of the parents are trying to acheive through their children but I have found that it can vary from parents who did acheive at sport but are now frustrated on the sidelines and feel they know more than the coaches, umpires , and players, to parents who have not acheived and who don't have much idea but for some reason feel they do. A lot of the parents seem to think that if their children acheive success that they also have achieved which to me is not quite accurate as there is a lot of reasons why a child will acheive in sport and yes the parents are part of that equasion but not the sole reason as I am sure a number of them will tell you.

Anyway great article and I look forward to seeing more.

Even though I am a Collingwood supporter I loved watching you play your hard and direct style and admired your commitment on the field and too the Kangaroos.

Carl
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Football tragic

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08:16PM, Thu 16 October 2008

Great post Glenn. I think there's a lot clubs can do to show that this sort of behaviour is not acceptable by members. Having a code of conduct that condones verbal abuse is a simple step and can become part of the registration process that members accept. This gives other parents or committee members the right to approach offenders to remind them of their responsibilities. Something I've done on more than a few occasions
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Football tragic

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08:26PM, Thu 16 October 2008

You also reminded me of one of the funniest moments I've had on the touchlines. A friend of mine with a thick Yorkshire accent was repeatedly shouting encouragement at his son from the sideline. He was getting louder and louder and repeating his cry of "C'mon Callum, C'mon Callum"

He was taken aback when an opposing player's mother approached him and told him he should be totally ashamed of himself and was reporting him to the club, the association and the police!

When he asked innocently what had he done wrong he was met with the response that shouting C'mon KILL HIM, KILL HIM was totally unacceptable behaviour!!!
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Daina Dillon

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09:09PM, Thu 16 October 2008

How sad that there are parents that feel the need to berate the other players or the other team. I am sure that none of them would like to be labeled as "ugly"

If this happened to their child they would have a different view perhaps?.

I am a complete and utter novice when it comes to all sports, I was never a sporty kid.
My son is very sporty and he likes to play many sports so, I attend many sporting events and of course I support my son.

Sometimes he does well and sometimes, not so much. I always encourage him to be a good looser as well as a good winner. These are really hard life lessons, I hope that they will stand him in good stead in the future when he is an adult and needs to teach his own children the same lessons.

Maybe some parents have just lost sight of the fact that their children grow up and learn how to handle winning and loosing at this age, to help them to do it better as they grow older?

Perhaps some parents have forgotten that the children they are raising today, are going to be the adults of tomorrow?
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goaldrush

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09:52PM, Mon 20 October 2008

Arch,
You make a lot of great points. I do know for a fact that UPS(ugly parent syndrome) costs teams good umpires. It also does some damage to the teams as they lose supporters all because of the comments.
I will give a really good and true example, I used to be a boundary umpire, I copped a hell of a lot of abuse from parents who just don't know what it is they are talking about, having a go at me all because I was doing my job. Now as a goal umpire I don't get much abuse. But I still see a lot of junior umpires and some senior umpires get abused by some parents who just want to go there and blame the umpires.
I am sure that you, Arch, when you have been a little frustrated on the field, have abused the umpires, copping a 50m penalty or two. I remember going to a footy game where your boys(the roos) were playing Carlton and your best mate, Stevo gave away a 50m penalty to Anthony Franchina. Terrible decision by the umpire. Good that Franchina was put off by a fart noise, which I made, as I was sitting at the ground. Stevo looked at me and laughed whilst everyone who was around me was calling out who farted?
Ugly parent syndrome should be dealt with.
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t m

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06:47PM, Wed 13 May 2009

great post, because, i actually experienced caroline springs supporters swearing at our players, their players, and the umpires on the weekend. caroline springs have always been violent and rude when we've played them. we're only under 13's. i think those parents must have been bad at sport when they were younger, and they want their kids to succeed.
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